To live quietly

Alice Liefgreen

To live quietly
I die one thou-hundred-sand
            times a day
to be something           something else,
another else, all else’s              to otherwise be a day
any day
            all the minutes in the wait
                                                 to feel the earthly things
I wanted to find something to give
but not lightly
                        not the floodlight on the water,
but something some thing
            the thing that     speeds the plough and sets all fields on fire
love love love etc

            If I lived loudly,            I would have died only once
I would not be fading                waiting between a hund-thousand-red
tiny deaths        to be       something else, another else, all else’s
to otherwise be a night
\            any night
I would not live in the negative space between hands
            mistaking blood-close brick walls for my own skin
and      ghosts              ghosts would cease to go through me
                        asking for new words, a warm body
and less blue, less blue in everything

I am telling you, my membrane is blue,          and if I spit
another self,
            all selves, I will grow them teeth, to
            chew the partition between my inner worlds
and the next,               so that blue blue blue etc.
            so         that you can breathe river water and not be absorbed
by the ground              so we can otherwise be a day
any day            all nights
            all the minutes in the wait
            all the things when
            everything is as far as here

I could have chewed the wind


Alice Liefgreen (she/her) was born in Italy from an Italian mother and an American father. Growing up bilingual, she moved to the UK at the age of 18 – and has lived there since. Currently, she is completing a PhD in Cognitive Science. Her work appears in the Creating in Crisis anthology by Polari Press, and in Queerlings Magazine issue 2. Website: www.liefgreenpoetry.com.

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